Co-Parenting Tips and Strategies for Divorced Parents

In today’s world—where the chances of children growing up with divorced parents is roughly fifty percent—it’s essential that divorced parents have co-parenting strategies in place to ensure the emotional and developmental well-being of their children.

Not surprisingly, children who split time between two houses can experience difficulties with the transition. And while much of that difficulty may be related to saying goodbye to one parent, packing a suitcase, or simply missing the other parent, there can be more nuanced details that add stress to a child’s transition between homes.

For instance, vastly different rules, expectations, and parenting styles can be confusing for children, and can make their transitions all the more difficult. For example, one parent may allow a child unlimited screen time, whereas the other parent may have established tasks the child must complete prior to watching TV or playing on the computer. While these might seem like minute differences, it can be difficult for children of all ages to adapt to such differences in structure, especially if they are switching homes frequently (weekly, or mid-week).

So, what can parents do to ease their child’s stress related to switching back and forth between homes?

For starters, parents can identify some basic parenting principles that they both can get behind, and can both adhere to. While the prospect of sitting down with your ex and agreeing on parenting strategies may seem daunting, your child can experience tremendous benefits as a result. Of course, every parent brings their own, unique set of values and beliefs to the table, and children see and appreciate this! Still, identifying some basic, overlapping values/rules/expectations across households is invaluable for a child. If this seems like too tall of a task, consider seeing a therapist for a few sessions to help mediate, and to get parents on the same page.

Additionally, parents can agree to collaborate and communicate around big events that happen in their child’s life. For example, if a child acts out in way that’s alarming, it would be critically important that parents collaborate, and model consistency around responses, consequences, and plans of action.

Co-parenting can be hard on parents and children alike, and there can be a tendency to say, “to heck with it, I’ll just do things my way on my time.” But that kind of attitude lends to a child living two very separate, and often different lives. Stability and consistency are crucial for a young child’s development, and a little collaboration between divorced or separated parents can go a long way toward limiting a child’s stress related to living in two households.