Rules for Strong Communication

Clear communication can be difficult in any relationship, and when that communication is about a touchy subject, the going gets even tougher. Here are three “Dos and Don’ts” to adhere to that might prevent issues from getting out of hand, and can keep communication strong.

1) Don’t speak in absolute terms:

Example: “You never want to spend time with me.”

Absolute statements and speaking in generalities often lead to defensiveness, and may not yield the intended result. Instead, do consider speaking from your own perspective, and try stating the intention behind the statement.

Example: “It feels to me like you don’t want to spend much time with me lately. It would mean a lot to me if we could spend more time together.”

2) Don’t interrupt

Nobody likes being interrupted, especially in the midst of an important conversation.

Do: Focus on listening to what the other person has to say. This can yield unintended positive results in that you may have a clearer sense of where they’re coming from. Plus, you’re modeling good listening skills for when it’s your turn to voice your feelings.

3) Don’t yell

If you are feeling so frustrated that yelling seems like the only way to get your point across, consider taking a break and resuming the conversation when you’ve had time to calm down. Do be sure to arrange parameters for following up and resuming the communication. Leaving a conversation without a plan for reconvening can do more harm than good, in that the original issue no longer has a chance for resolution.