How Parents can Help Their Academically Challenged Boy

As I’ve written about previously, boys in our country’s public school system are struggling I hear from many concerned parents that their academically challenged boy “just don’t seem to care about school,” or “he’s struggling academically, and it just doesn’t matter to him.” They always ask, “how do we get him to care?”

The answer to why boys don’t care is a long one, and is covered in more detail here. In short, our increasingly rigid public schooling system doesn’t cater to the unique gender needs of boys, leaving many boys feeling like school’s just not for them, and/or they’re not smart.

While most parents don’t have the luxury of simply changing schools, there are still ways parents can positively impact their academically apathetic boys.

One way parents can help, is by offering their child supplemental learning experiences. If your boy is interested in woodworking, then find time/space for him to practice his craft outside of school. Does he love science, but struggle in the traditional classroom setting? Consider signing him up for an outdoor education. Does he love music? Sign him up for lessons! Because many boys thrive on hands-on experience, it’s important that your son have opportunity to engage his interests, and if that’s not happening at school, it’s important to create additional opportunities for engagement with learning.

If your child enjoys athletics, find additional ways for him to engage in physical activity. For boys who are competitive, sports, martial arts, and being in the outdoors, are great ways to ignite that passion. Schools are increasingly focused on limiting competition in PE classes, and high-school sports are increasingly more competitive, in that there’s an expectation kids specialize in a sport at a very early age. Many boys thrive on movement, and for boys who aren’t elite athletes (or boys who don’t have the resources to play ultra-specialized sports), school-based athletics programs aren’t likely to meet his needs. There’s strong evidence that supports the benefits of boys engaging in physical activity, so if that need isn’t being met by school, it’s important to find an avenue to satisfy your boy’s need for physicality.

One note of caution: for the academically disengaged boy, video games can offer an exciting alternative to the monotony of school. Many boys turn to video games to achieve the excitement that their real lives lack. And because video games are designed to keep kids playing, this creates a dangerous scenario, in which a boy can become conditioned to rely on video games as his primary way for engaging with life. It’s critically important that parents limit video games, especially for the academically apathetic boy.

Embracing your son’s small successes, and helping him get organized, are two more great ways to help him work through school-related apathy. Our public schooling system has a narrow way of judging success. If you get good grades, you’re smart, and if you don’t, you’re not. Research shows that kids tend to make form identities about their academic ability in elementary school, and those identities stick with us. So if your boy struggled in elementary school, it’s likely he will to continue to think of himself as not being a good student. Of course there are exceptions to his rule, but by and large, kids who don’t get good grades are unlikely to think highly of their own intelligence. As a parent, it’s important you don’t fall into this trap. No matter how much your son may be struggling, don’t give up on him. Start by helping him get organized, and breaking down homework into small, achievable tasks. Celebrate his successes, not matter how few they may be, and help him to see the flaws in defining his intelligence by his success/failures at school.

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