Parenting Teenagers and Adolescents During COVID-19

*These suggestions for parents are stated with the understanding that not all parents/families have the time, energy, or resources to implement new structure for their teenagers during these challenging times. I understand that many families are simply doing the best they can with what they have, and there may not be opportunities for creating structural or systemic changes at home. With that said, here are some ideas for parents who may be concerned about their teenager, and want to find additional ways to keep their adolescent engaged.

1) Help Create Structure

If you have an adolescent at home, it can be easy to back off, give them all the space they want, and let them “do their thing.” Especially for families with younger children, energy for planning and structure may be more directed towards the younger members of the families, whereas adolescents may be trusted to figure out routines on their own. In my experience, adolescents are really challenged by the lack of structure that distance learning, and an absence of extracurricular activities, presents. Excess free time is often spent in front of screens. While it may seem to parents like this is what their adolescent wants, most young folks crave structure – they just may not know how to create that structure. You can help your adolescent by collaborating with them to:

Learn what habits they may want to create/sustain
Help them come up with a plan for how they might implement those habits
Understand how they might need your help: do they need reminders? equipment to sustain that workout plan? Certain foods to help prepare healthy snacks?

Taking a collaborative approach to building structure at home can be helpful for adolescents and parents. Most young folks will resist if they feel they’re being told how to create structure, but if it feels collaborative, you may be surprised by their level of buy-in.

2) Get outside

Spending time outdoors is critically important for all of us, especially our young people. During the winter months, it can be particularly hard to find compelling reasons to leave the house. Help normalize a routine of getting outdoors, even if it’s just for 10-15 minutes, a few times per day. There’s ample evidence that supports the physical and mental health benefits of spending time outdoors, and with Portland’s many parks and trails, there are safe ways to be outside during COVID. Even a short walk around the block can help build that habit, and can give kids a break from being indoors, on their screens.

3) Commit To Family Time

While alone time/down time is critically important during adolescence, young people are getting more alone time than ever before. With more folks working/learning from home, it can be easy for everyone to retreat to their rooms/devices/individual routines once the day is over. Committing to some level of consistent family time can help cultivate that structure I mentioned earlier, while also providing young folks with much needed interpersonal connection. Making a plan for family time may be met with some resistance, but is much more likely to be effective if the young folks at home have some say in the planning, and the activities. Collaborating with adolescents sends the message that their ideas are valuable, that they’re trustworthy, and that they’re responsible enough to contribute. This can be a game-changer during a developmental time that’s marked by a heightened need for autonomy, independence, and choice. If you’re strapped for ideas, this may help!

4) Promote good sleep hygiene

Kids are spending lots of time in bed right now, particularly kids who are attending distance learning from the comfort of their bedrooms. Combine this with a lack of extracurriculars, fewer safe ways to leave the house, and more screen time, and you might have a child with sleep challenges. Emphasizing good sleep hygiene is always important, but is especially crucial during COVID, when kids are less busy, less physically active, and often in their bedrooms more. Some things to consider:

Does your child turn off their devices 30 minutes before they go to sleep? If not, can you convince them to wear blue-light blocking glasses, or install blue light blocking apps on their devices?
Does your child do their schoolwork in bed? If so, can they work elsewhere in their bedroom, or even better, in a common space? The bed should just be for sleeping.

Read here for more tips on good sleep hygiene.

5) Work Hard to Support Your Child’s Interests

While COVID has impacted all of us in unique ways, many young folks are struggling due to a lack of extracurricular programming. If your child played a sport, was on any sort of team, sang in a choir, played in a band, or was part of a club, it’s likely their hobby is currently unavailable to them, or available in a very limited capacity. You know your child’s interests best. Work hard to find creative ways to keep them engaged. I’m continually impressed by the creative ways that teachers, coaches, and mentors are offering after-school activities online.

As we move into winter, it can be easy to throw our hands up and say, “well I guess this is just a lost year.” Many young folks simply can’t afford a whole year away from engaging with the things they love. Even if it’s hard, I strongly suggest sitting down with your child and working together to find creative ways to support their interests.