How to Talk to Your Teenager About Drugs and Alcohol

Many parents don’t know when or how to talk with their children about drugs and alcohol. And that’s no surprise. Many parents of today’s teens were raised in the “just say no” era, which didn’t present a thorough or nuanced model of talking to your children about drugs and alcohol. After all, parents are informed by how they were parented, so if your parents didn’t talk to you about drugs and alcohol in an effective way, then you likely don’t have a model for how to initiate that conversation with your own children. There are many reasons to talk with your kids about drugs and alcohol, especially here in pot-centric Portland. Here are some tips for establishing open and non-judgmental dialogue with your children about drugs and alcohol:

Talk, Talk, Talk

Ads for pot and alcohol are highly visible in Portland, so there are ample opportunities to begin the conversation. Look for natural opportunities to talk to your child about pot, for instance, if you’re driving past one of Portland’s many marijuana dispensaries. Forced settings, like calling a family meeting to talk about drugs, are likely to make your child more nervous and uncomfortable. Experts recommend beginning to talk with your child about drugs and alcohol around age 10.

The Conversation is Ongoing

Talking with your child about drugs and alcohol is an ongoing process. A 10-year old does not need to be informed in the way a 17-year old needs to be informed. Don’t envision a one-time conversation during which you’ll tell your child all he/she needs to know about drinking or pot use. Hopefully, you can facilitate a series of many conversations that will take place throughout your child’s youth and adolescence.

Create an Environment that Encourages Openness

More than anything, it’s important your child feels comfortable talking with you about drugs and alcohol, and asking you related questions as they arise. How can you work to foster an environment that will encourage your child to participate in the conversation? The Children’s Hospital of Colorado recommends:

  • Having conversations, not lectures
  • Ask questions, and avoid making judgments
  • Be an active listener

Don’t Demonize!

Approaching the conversation with anger, or demonizing drugs and alcohol, are sure ways to lose your child’s ear. Remember, you are not the only source your child has for information. Your own personal biases and experiences will inform how you approach this subject with your child, but do your best to provide your child with fact-based information versus information that stems from your own opinions. Moreover, acknowledge some of the many reasons why people use marijuana. Some may use it for medicinal reasons, while for others it may serve as an unhealthy coping mechanism.

Shielding is a Losing Battle

There are steps you can take to limit your child’s exposure to drugs and alcohol, but ultimately, “shielding” is not a sustainable long-term plan. Don’t be naïve. It’s likely your child will end up in situations where drugs or alcohol are present at some point during their adolescence. Talk with your kids about how they can respond when they’re offered a drink or a smoke. Consider letting your child know he/she can always call you if they’re in a situation where drugs/alcohol are present, and you’ll offer them a safe, punishment-free ride home.

What Behavior Do you Model?

Do you use marijuana? Do you drink regularly? Examine how your own substance use might influence your child’s ideas about what constitutes healthy behavior. If you use marijuana, be honest with your child about why you use it. The Colorado Children’s Hospital recommends “iterating messages of responsible use, like not using to excess, while driving, or to escape problems.”

For Further Reading: